Happiness, a choice

I felt that it is almost impossible for me to be happy the entire time. My mind just won't cooperate with me to help me feel more awesome. I guess my mind still have some negative and self-limiting beliefs that need to be removed. haha stubborn mind..

Anyway, I have spent some time searching a lot of videos on the Internet to find ways to be happy, but then I realize there is actually no fixed way to feel happy. And we can be as creative as we want to feel happy.

You can draped yourself in your blanket and imagine that you are Maleficient and speak in a spooky tone. (This is what I do) I know this is super silly, but I don't care as this makes me happy.
Seriously, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do this or that to be happy.
Others may say that you are silly. But who cares?
You do what you want as long as you are not disturbing or affecting others in a bad way.
(It is your life after all, not theirs. Live it the way you like!)

CREATE YOUR OWN WAY TO BE HAPPY.

We decide when we want to be happy. 
You can start feeling happy the moment when you wake up from your bed every morning.
Being grateful about small things in life helps a lot!
We can also decide to be happy right now at this moment regardless of the circumstances that we have. Even at times when we feel like it is impossible to find things that make us feel happy, there is definitely going to be something that is worth feeling happy about.
Being alive is one of the best reasons to feel happy as life is a gift itself.
(I know it  sounds a little cliche)

It is inevitable that some life situations will come and mess up with your mood once in a while.
But life would be too boring to keep experiencing the same feeling over and over again.
Don't you feel riding a roller coaster(ups and downs) would be more fun than sitting in a train(same feeling)?

Random event: My dad and I were eating our dinner at a hawker store the other day. And we notice that the waiter looks "abnormally" happy. HAHA I asked my dad how can someone be so happy just by taking orders and serving people drinks. When the waiter come and get our food order, my dad asked her "why are you so happy". And she just smile and said: Happy or not, the day will still pass. Why not choose to be happy?

This post may sound common sense or very simplistic. But I hope that this post can at least be a reminder to people that happiness is a choice and it is not hard to feel happy.

Smile and be happy, okay?

Selfish?

I was once someone who is really generous and helpful towards others until one day I decided that I need to stop being a people-pleaser and do whatever they tell me to do.
I was always the one who finish my homework and borrow others to copy before handing in.
What my friends need to do is just to ask me for help, and they shall receive.
I wouldn't say no to my friends, as I am afraid that rejecting others may cause them to dislike me.

As time pass by slowly, I realize that I am desperately seeking approval from others and helping them at the same time. No matter how crazy their needs are, I will always be the one who nod my head and help as much as I can. Even though sometimes when I feel exhausted or not appreciated, I still continue to help.

Recalling back my secondary school years, there are some people that just went too over.
That time, one of my friends asked me to borrow him my homework, and I said no. And guess what he did? He snatch the book from me and almost teared the book into half. I was very angry at that moment, but he was pretending that I was joking.  He didn't know he had already crossed the line. Maybe because I had borrowed him my homework for about 6 months continuously without saying no for even once? I did scold that person out loud, but he didn't even take me seriously. And that's when I realize being too nice of a person is not a good choice in some situations.

What I experienced few years ago was not really pleasant, but those experiences had made me realize that being just nice is good enough. Being too nice/too generous to others, and then you need to prepare to suffer the consequences. At least this is the lesson that I learnt from my own life experiences.

From that incident earlier, I have actually learnt to say no to some people who are in need of my help. (*usually things that are beyond my capabilities or when the other person is demanding too much)

Sometimes others may think that someone is selfish, but for me, I don't think we can really label anyone as selfish.(apply to certain life scenarios)

E.G.
A and B were given a report to do from their lecturers.
A spent about 10 hours during the weekends to finish the report, while B spent the weekends doing nothing. Just one day before due date, B asked A to send him the report, since B say to A that he doesn't have time to finish it and he doesn't know how to do.

So if you were A, will you send B the report?
If A didn't send the report, is he selfish?
If you would say A is selfish, then don't you think B is selfish too?

B did not put a single ounce of effort into doing the report and expect A to send the entire report for him to copy. B is selfish, because he only thinks about himself and he didn't really consider all the free time A has sacrificed to do the report. It's rather unfair to A. If you were A, how would you feel?
And I strongly believe that if A did send the report to B this time, next time when there is more assignments to do,B definitely is going to ask for more reports from A.
So I recommend A not to send B the report.

A might think that B is selfish.
B might think that A is selfish.

This is just my personal opinion. You can agree or disagree with what I say. =)
How about you? Who do you think is selfish in the situation given above?

I am not saying that we should be selfish. But set your boundaries and never let anyone cross it!!

Say yes all the time is not going to make others like you and say no once in a while doesn't mean that you are selfish!
Its when you know how to stand up for yourselves, you make yourself more likeable and respected by others.

Cheers. =D

Judging..

It took me a long time to start changing my perspective towards a lot of things in my life.

Back when I was in my secondary school, I was really depressed, trying to figure some ways to not get affected by other people's judgement. But then now I realize a simple quick shift in thought can change moods in an instant. But sometimes it is easier said than done right? yeah I agree! =)

Few years ago: 

I have this victim mentality thinking that I was treated badly by others. 

I was wondering why they have treated me in such unpleasant ways. 

It causes me to question my attitudes/ behaviors. 

Did I did anything wrong to be treated in this way? Maybe yes, maybe no. 

But then none of this really matters.No matter how kind of a person you are, there is still going to be some haters. LOL haters back off!! (like how mirandasings always say) 

When people verbally abuse me, I will used to think that it was my fault. 

However, I am glad that I have changed my way of thinking now. 

Now when people attack me with their weapon- hurtful words/criticism, I learn to not take it personally. I realize that whenever I personalized all those hurtful things, I feel bad about myself. 

It's when I start to see that I am not what the others say or see, I am not affected by those bad comments. 

Sometimes what others say might not be the truth, so don't believe it right away. 

(although we usually just believe it like in a few seconds and feel bad about it) 

Take for example a skinny person and a muscular person and a fat person.

Some people will often criticize the skinny person for having a small frame. 

And some other comments:

Why can't you get fatter?

Why do you eat so less? 

You should be fatter, because you are a man.

You won't be fat no matter how you eat. 

You should gain more weight. Eat more!

You should not wear singlets, your arms are too thin. etc.

But when they get fat, some comments:

Why can't you exercise more? 

Why can't you get thinner?

Why don't reduce your belly fat by eating lesser?

You look better when you are thin.

You look gross with your big belly.

Then they get muscular, some comments:

And some other comments: 

You have chicken legs. 

Your muscles look bigger on this side than the other.

You eat steroids?

You look better when you are thin.

Too muscular. Eww..

My point here is: No matter who we are and what we do, people judge us. Or maybe it's just ourselves who are judging ourselves?

I also was no longer that depressed after I learned to see that sometimes people might say things that they don't really mean to hurt you. And if they really meant to hurt you, they probably have been hurt before and now they are doing it to others. 

Let's be more compassionate and loving. 

If people judge us and say bad things about us, we can learn to put ourselves in their shoes and see what's the motive behind what they say. 

They use hurtful words to hurt us, we use LOVE(strongest weapon on Earth) to fight back!!!